How do you really know you are DONE having kids?
How do you really know you are “done” having kids? I honestly can’t believe these words are coming out of my mouth. My husband and I decided months ago we were done for many reasons. To give you a quick back story, my first two daughters are from my previous marriage. As most of you know I was 17 when I got pregnant with my first. I honestly feel like I have been a mom for “forever”! Basically more than half of my life, as I’m turning 36 this year! I met Bryan when he was 39. He thought he was going to continue to live that “single bachelor life”. Little did he know he was going to fall in love with me and my two little girls Izabella and Illiana. When we got married we both knew we wanted to have at least one child together. We were so blessed and got pregnant with our daughter super fast! Wilhelmina was the best baby in the whole entire world. Around her first birthday we actually discussed trying again but then we thought well maybe we should just wait a little longer. Then she turned 18 months, stopped consistently sleeping and became our rambunctious little girl. So, that’s when we both said “okay we’re are done”. When she turned three this passed January, I started to get soooooo emotional. Randomly crying all the time, at the fact that we decided we were going to be done. Did we make a huge mistake by deciding we are done? Why didn’t we just have another one right away?
Lately I can’t stop thinking about how fun and special it would be for Mina to be a big sister and to grow our family more! So many factors make having another baby seem so great and wonderful. I had such easy labor and deliveries; the nurses would even say I was meant to have babies. Oh, to go back to that newborn baby stage, they just grow up way to fast! I grew up with three siblings, me being the fourth and loved it so much. And although, I was so sick during my pregnancies the thought of not being able to feel another baby in my belly makes me sad and want to reconsider. Is this what God wants for us? I toil with this all the time. Can anyone else relate?
I can’t stop thinking about it, but then I talk myself out of it. Thoughts such as, I’m too old. Bryan’s too old. Having 4 kids would be so expensive. I have 3 healthy daughters that I am so grateful for. We are going to have one daughter in college next year, do I really want a newborn and a college student?! LOL. All our girls would be so spread apart in age. All the laundry. The messy house. The anxiety of how much I can” actually” handle and the love and attention I can give to each member in my family. I was soooo sick with all three pregnancies, do I really want to go through that yet again?! And, no I for sure would never have another baby just to see if it would be a boy (we get asked that all the time), “Don’t you want to try for a boy”. No, we will try if we want to have another “human” in our family. Ps. Let’s be real, we already know it would be a girl! Haha.
Will I always feel like this or is this just a season I’m going through? My husband leans on more of the side of “done” than I do, which makes it hard. If he really wanted another baby than we would definitely try. He’s so wonderful that if I was 100 % certain I wanted one more, then he would be on board. Why can’t I make up my mind?!!! People say, “you will just know when your family feels complete”. Do I really believe this? Am I fully content?
I feel complete but there’s always the “what if” in the back of my mind. I also feel selfish when thinking about having another one. So many women have a hard time even having one child and here I am with 3 beautiful healthy daughters trying to decide if I “should” do it again, God willingly. This is the time that I just think and pray about it. That is all I can do as of now! If anyone wants to share thoughts or feels the same way, please comment or send me a message!
XOXO, Kindra
